Beyond the Blank Page

My Journey to Telling the Untold

Call For Prayer

This has happened to me before, when I’ve gone off of my medication. This utter lack of emotion. This total and complete disconnect. The numbness overflows inside of me, taking over each corner of my soul until the only thing left is an outline of anger and a shadow of fear. I know numbness. Numbness was once my friend. It once fueled the scars on my arms and legs and my torso. It was once a level of normal for me. If this were just some bump in the road, some hurdle I have to get over, I’d be okay. I would know there is a light at the end. If this were just my body ridding itself of the medication, there would be a why. The problem is that nothing has changed. I’m not going off of my medication right now. I haven’t changed anything in my life to cause this to happen. The only saving grace that I have in all of this is God, but there’s a problem even there. I can’t feel Him. I can barely even manage to care. If not for the fear, I don’t know that I’d feel anything toward Him at all right now. I know He’s there. I KNOW He wants to help, but I can’t feel it. My prayers sound fake even to myself, and I tune out as my mom prays for me.
I feel nothing. Nothingness is consuming me and there seems to be nothing that I can do. My strength is not enough and I can’t quite seem to reach out to God’s strength, so I’m asking you all just one thing.
Pray. Pray hard.

Advertisements
2 Comments »

New Subjects!

Here are some new things that you might start seeing around my blog posts!

Truth is: Confession time! Where I will recall a recent thought or action.
Wanderlust: Where my mind has been wandering lately…
Divine Destinies: Bible verse and/or Biblical thought of the day.
Wishful Thinking: If I had the resources, I would…
Thought for Food: What am I reading? Also, quotes that I like!
Eyes & Ears: What I’m watching and/or listening to.
Artful Expressions: If I’m working on a project of some sort.
Avon Advantage: Special Avon deals for my blog readers because I love you all!

These might be directly related to my current blog post or have nothing at all to do with it. Just a way to keep y’all posted on what’s up! 🙂

Leave a comment »

Write Your World: Entering a New Season

So, as I typed out the title I realized just how fitting it really is! I wrote it meaning a new spiritual season, but realized that it is only a few weeks until we enter into fall, also! As we enter into this new earthly season, some of us are also entering into a new season of life. I know I certainly am.

I am writing this Friday night, because I refuse to let this sickness keep me from being productive! If I can’t be at College Group, then I will be writing my blog! However I want to wait until one certain person in my life is told about this new season before I share it with everyone else. Tomorrow (Saturday) is when they will be told, and then I shall share it with you all. Clearly, as you are reading this now! 🙂

Anyway, I am quite excited about this new season. I have also been quite terrified. It was tonight, when a dear friend of mine shared about entering this new season, that I felt confident that everything will all work out. I can’t say that all of my fear has been washed away, but I know that God has a plan. So, without further ado, let’s dive in!

As most of you know I got my GED in the summer of 2011 and started college that fall. I finished my first year of college in June, and loved it. I have been so excited to go back, but at the same time I have felt something changing inside of me. Every time someone would ask me what I was going to school for, my answer went something like this, “Well…I’m thinking I’ll get a degree in Education, because I’m going to home school. I’m a writer, so I don’t really need a degree for that. I guess I’m not really sure yet.” It felt strange every time. As time has gone on, I’ve had more and more opportunities to write, and even a new found outlet to potentially publish said writing. I haven’t, though, and I’ve allowed myself to hide behind school as an excuse. During the summer, I’ll admit, I’ve just been lazy about my writing, and busy with other things. Writing is my passion though, after God, and I know I need to pursue it. I am advancing in my Avon career, hoping to become more involved with church, and finding my desire to write growing at an incredible rate. So, where does this leave me?

I want you all to know that this decision has not come without much thinking, praying, and discussing with my mom. My love for school, especially history, has made this a tough decision. The knowledge that I can always go back, though, has made it easier. Therefore I present the season I am entering into: the season of pursuing my dreams, the dreams God has given me. This is not a season for me to be in school, as hard as I know that is for some to understand. I wish I could do both things with a full commitment to both, but I can’t. Life is full of tough choices, and this has been one of the toughest. I ask for prayer as I go through this season, and I thank those of you that have believed in me and supported me no matter what I have done in life. I am so excited to plunge into writing fully and see what awaits. I have faith that God is going to change me through this, and I hope change others through my writing. As you all enter into new seasons alongside me, I pray for peace in the choices you must make.

Leave a comment »