Beyond the Blank Page

My Journey to Telling the Untold

My Definition of You

This is the first short story that I wrote for Camp NaNoWriMo:



I look into your face, so full of sorrow and pain, and I wonder what happened to you to make you so jaded. Where did you come from? Who hurt you enough to have such an impact on the person that you became? And then I wonder the most important question of all – is there any way for you to get back to the person that you were meant to be?

You smile, and to the world, it may appear real. I know you better than that, though. The creases of your eyes and the lack of those tiny dimples that appear when you’re truly happy, give you away. The way that your green eyes don’t sparkle, but instead appear as a faded brown hidden in darkness, show your true feelings.

I wonder to myself who this girl really is, as a tear begins to build in my eye. I want to know what makes her tick, yet at the same time I want to forget her completely. I can’t seem to stop staring, though, and so I continue to analyze her.

I see the scars on her arms – faded and a light pink, almost the same color as the rest of her skin, but noticeable to anyone looking for it. I wish that I didn’t have an eye for such things, but I do, and my heart breaks for her. Her arms are wrapped around her stomach, an awkward attempt at hiding the weight that she truly believes she carries too much of. She is of an average size, but her body language suggests that she spent years hearing about how overweight she was. I want to tell her that she is beautiful just the way she is, but the words simply will not come.

Her hair hangs around her face; a failed attempt to hide the face that she has grown up believing was plain and ugly. Her lack of confidence surrounds her as if it were a physical entity. As I look deeper, I can see the signs of emotional abuse written clearly all over her. She has been abandoned and told that she was not worthy. She has been exposed to words that no girl should ever hear about herself. She has been unloved and has come to the conclusion that she is therefore unlovable.

I look deep into her eyes and tears begin to stream down my face. I tell her that she is beautiful and that she always has been. I point at her body and tell her not to be ashamed. I give her a sad smile and apologize for all of the years that she was told that she was something that she is not and never was. I tell her how sorry I am that I ever believed such horrible things about her. When the sobs begin to choke me so much that I can barely speak, I stand up and give her a genuine smile.

“You are worthy and you are loveable,” I say, “and no one will ever be able to take that away from you again.”

With that, I set down the old photograph that I had been staring at and I turn to walk away. I glance back once, but I don’t go back. I catch my reflection in the mirror, the same familiar face I had been staring at, and I smile, knowing the answer to the most important question.

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Works of Fiction: Chapter Five

The next morning found Jade regretting how much she had to drink the previous night. She was never going to drink again, she told herself. If only it were really that simple to leave the lifestyle she had just embarked upon behind.

She hurried to the shower, letting the hot water erase every ache and pain as she attempted to hold her sick stomach at bay. She stood there, under the water, until it began to grow cold. When she finally couldn’t take it anymore, she stepped out carefully and took her time getting ready.

She was not looking forward to facing her mom today. Sure, part of her felt like she could do whatever she liked without worrying what her mother thought, but part of her felt that fear that all children feel when they know they’ve disappointed their parent. No matter how many times she tried to push that behind her new found “bravery,” she just couldn’t.

She peaked around into the hallway, and when she didn’t see anyone, she stepped quietly out of the bathroom. “Oh, hello there,” her mother’s voice stopped her in her tracks, “How nice of you to join me for breakfast this beautiful morning. Or, rather lunch, as you slept right through breakfast.”

She bowed her head, avoiding eye contact, but when she finally looked up she didn’t find an angry look on her mother’s face. In fact, her mother was smiling at her, a slightly sad look behind her eyes. She didn’t appear to be upset, and Jade silently chastised herself for forgetting that her mother wasn’t the yelling type. She was the “hold it in until she cried” type, and that broke Jade’s heart a little.

“Yeah,” she hesitated, knowing her mother knew the truth but not willing to speak it, “I was up late.”

Her mother simply nodded and walked into the kitchen, “What would you like this afternoon to eat?”

“I’m not hungry,” Jade’s stomach made an unpleasant noise, “Just some coffee, please.”

Her mother gave her a sympathetic look that she knew she didn’t deserve, “You have to eat something, Sweetie. Here, I’ll make you some toast while the coffee finishes up.”

The twinge of guilt that Jade had been feeling continued to grow. Her mother had always been there for her, no matter how many wrong turns she made. She knew this time had been the worst, but she had this feeling deep inside that it wouldn’t be for long.

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Works of Fiction: Chapter Four

Jade and Abbie walked into a house about the size of her own, with only a couple handfuls of people inside. This was the party? Jade hadn’t ever been to a real party, but she somehow expected so much more than this. She doubted she would have much fun here. That is, until she saw a friend of hers sitting in the living room. She’d been friends with him for a few years, but she’d had sort of a thing for him for a while and thought that it might be mutual.

She smiled to herself and walked over, “Hey, Tristan,” she grinned at him, “How goes it? Didn’t know you’d be here.”

He looked up and smiled back at her, “Hey you. I didn’t know you were coming, either. Good to see you.” He stood up and hugged her and a sense of happiness flooded her. She was tired of being lonely and maybe tonight that would finally change.

He motioned for her to sit beside him and she obeyed. He threw his arm around her shoulder and she squealed inside. So this was what throwing caution to the wind felt like. She decided that she quite liked it. Maybe this was her scene, after all. Maybe this was where she would finally feel like she belonged.

Tristan stood and looked down at her, “You want something to drink, cutie?”

Jade flushed and started to shake her head before changing her mind, “Sure. Whatever you’re having, please.”

He nodded at her and headed off toward the kitchen. So she wasn’t a partier and had never been a drinker. She wasn’t worried about it. Sure, she had had it instilled in her since a young age to avoid such things, but look where that had gotten her. It was time for a change.

When he returned he handed her a tall can and she simply stared at it for a moment. She looked over at him open his and take a drink, and simply watched him for a moment before opening her own and taking a sip. It didn’t taste all that great, but she knew she would enjoy the end results. Besides, she didn’t want to be rude and waste it.

Not long after, everyone decided to go out for a walk. She had had a couple more drinks by now and was feeling it a little bit. She felt good. As they walked, Tristan let his hand drape lazily over her shoulder and excitement went through her like a current. They stopped for a few minutes and all sat down on the pavement. They got to talking about playing songs on the guitar and someone told Tristan that he should learn “Hey There Delilah” to impress the ladies. When his response was, “But I don’t need to. I already have her,” and smiled at Jade, her heart fluttered. She wasn’t entirely sure what it meant for them, but it made her happy.

That night Jade had her first kiss with Tristan and it was electric. She had liked him for a long time, but had felt somewhat guilty about it seeing as she had once dated his friend. It was okay to like him now, though, she reminded herself. Maybe this was their time.

She went home the next morning feeling butterflies in her stomach. She had Tristan now, or so she thought. She was so glad to be rid of the loneliness that the thought that this might not be something real never even crossed her mind. The fact that when she and Tristan had once sort of given it a go became a failure by the end of the very same day didn’t touch the edge of her consciousness. She needed something to grab onto, and this was it. At least for now.

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Works of Fiction: FANTAStically Inspired

Reading a wonderful fantasy post written by a friend on Facebook has put me in the mood to write something. Not later, though. Now. Granted, it won’t be a very long piece of work seeing as it’s almost 10:30pm, but it’ll get my creative juices flowing! So, here goes!

She stared off as the waves crashed, wondering when she would ever see her home again. Or rather, IF she would ever see her home again. This island was beautiful, but it just wasn’t enough to soothe the homesickness she felt in her heart. She wanted desperately to know why her parents abruptly woke her up and shipped her to this place, far away from home, without them. She didn’t know a single person here. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. Her godparents lived here, but she had only met them once – when she was a toddler. Despite having family of sorts here, she had never felt so entirely alone in her life.

She sighed loudly and began to turn around, but something she saw out of the corner of her eye stopped her. What was that moving in the water? A log? No, it was far too large for that. A boat? No, definitely not. Gears in her mind began spinning as she tried to figure out what it was, and why she was so totally drawn to it. She lifted her hand to shield the sun and leaned forward to get a better look. She decided it would be much easier to go ahead and walk down to the shoreline, though, and so she set off. It was only about a five minute walk, all downhill, but she had this fear that whatever it was would be gone by the time she got there. She walked as fast as she could, and found her fears not without merit.

She leaned down, hands on her knees and breathing heavily from moving so fast, frustration on her face. She should have moved faster, but it was too late now. Whatever it was had disappeared and she feared she may never see it again. A moment later, though, as she was thinking about the trek home, she heard a splashing noise somewhere off to her left.

Well, I’m not entirely sure where it goes from here. Trying to work on a friend’s advice to keep this from developing into a full length story (I really need to learn how to do short stories). So for now this story is TO BE CONTINUED! 🙂

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Works of Fiction: Chapter 3

As she sat alone in her room, tears began to well up in Jade’s eyes. She wasn’t sure what she was feeling, but she knew it was painful. Her mom was so needlessly worried about her, but then again, was she sure that her mom’s concerns were unfounded? Even though her dad moving out was a relief, could she honestly say that it didn’t sometimes hurt her to know that she came from a broken family?

And then there was the fear that liked to tickle the edge of her mind, the one where she ended up alone forever. Or the one where, if she ever did find someone, it would never work. She never expected her parents to divorce, and they did, so how could she be sure that the same thing wouldn’t happen to her?

She began to get lost in this thought when a tap came on her window. She looked out and saw her friend Abbie staring back at her, a huge smile on her face. She walked to the window and quietly pushed it up. She couldn’t help but wonder what her friend had up her sleeve.

“Hey, Jade,” Abbie winked at her, “Got any plans tonight? I didn’t think so. Why don’t you come hit up a rockin party with me? Sounds good? Awesome, let’s go!”

As Jade shook her head, hesitant to sneak out, Abbie motioned for her to come outside. It was hard to say no to Abbie, and the truth was, a party did sound like fun. Jade could use a distraction to get these silly thoughts out of her head. Finally she nodded and slowly climbed out her window, being sure to not make a noise.

Once out, she carefully slid the window almost all of the way shut, and then skipped off arm in arm with her friend. They both giggled as they headed to her car parked down the street. Jade was glad she had agreed to go along, and she couldn’t help but grin over at her friend.

They clambered into the car and pumped the radio up as they drove off. Jade didn’t plan to do anything bad, just to get out and away from the normal routine of life. She wasn’t a partier by nature, and she didn’t think that was about to change. The only reason she didn’t simply tell her mom was because she would worry for no reason, she told herself. But as they drove off, she couldn’t help but feel in the back of her mind that things were about to become very different. And she was right.

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Works of Fiction: Chapter Two

Well, almost a year later, here is the next chapter! I didn’t spend a ton of time thinking on it. I just let my imagination/memories/emotions and God guide my writing. I hope you enjoy!


As she walked up her drive, Jade noticed a raven circling above head. Crows and the like weren’t uncommon around here, but usually they weren’t found in her neck of the woods. She had never seen one behaving like this anywhere in town, though, and she was fascinated. She stared up at it as it continued circling, almost seeming like it was gazing down at her. She stood, glued in place, until her mom peeked out the door and, glancing up and then back at her asked, “Jade? Honey, what are you doing out here? Come inside, Sweetie.”

Shaken from her distraction, Jade looked up at her mom and gave her a half grin, “Oh, hey Mom. Just uh…watching this bird. It’s acting kind of weird.”

Her mom looked up again in the direction of the raven before staring at her daughter, “What bird, Jade? There’s no bird. There’s nothing there.”

Jade drew her gaze from the raven for an instance to look at her mom, “THAT bird, the one right up-” she pointed up, but when she looked back to where the bird had been circling just seconds ago, there was nothing there. She looked back at her mom again, confused. Her mom wore a worried expression, but didn’t say anything. Instead, she simply motioned for Jade to come in and wrapped her arm around her daughter as they walked inside together.

Once they were inside and both sitting at the dining room table, her mom drew in a deep breath before speaking, “Honey..are you okay? I’m worried about you. There wasn’t anything out there and, well, even though you never say anything I know that you still feel hurt over everything that has happened.”

“Look, Mom,” Jade began, “I love you for caring, but I’m fine. I don’t know why you didn’t see the bird. It was there I promise. I’m not seeing things. I’m not crazy! And as far as everything that has happened, you know that I’m just fine. You know that I’m glad about it all. It had to happen. Don’t worry so much, okay?”

Her mom simply nodded, looking slightly defeated. Her mom knew that she was relieved that she and her father had parted ways, but she also knew that it could be hard on her daughter. When Jade was younger, her father had promised her that they would never divorce. Jade still thought about that moment, and even though she was relieved that they had split, she still felt sadness in knowing that her dad had broken his promise.

“Really, Mom, I’m good,” Jade faked a smile, “I’m going to go read some. Good night.” She planted a quick kiss on her mother’s cheek and scurried off into the other room. Her mom simply sighed, knowing that eventually everything would come flooding out of her daughter, and dreading that day with every bone in her body.

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Works of Fiction: Chapter One

Okay, so I will probably stop prefacing my fiction posts, but I thought that I should do so with this one to let you all know how much I love you to be posting this right now. And also to apologize for how short this chapter is. Hopefully the ones in the future will be longer. Many of you are unaware of this fact, but I am actually writing this story as I go. It is all plotted out and everything, but as any fellow writers know, the story usually takes us in completely new directions as we write it. Anyway, as a friend pointed out, I should have probably gotten a few chapters down before I started posting, but I didn’t, and now I shall pay the price! I’m determined to have a new chapter posted each Thursday, so that you get something every seven days, because if I don’t I know that someone (*ahem*youknowwhoyouare*ahem*) will not be very happy with me. So, without further ado….

Chapter One

Jade sat by the window, sunlight pouring in as she sipped her latte in the corner of the small coffee shop. Her hand instinctively shielded her eyes from the foreign, natural light that they weren’t used to. The sun hadn’t been out, not really, for as long as Jade could remember. It would attempt to peak through every now and then, but clouds would always appear out of nowhere and provide a covering. Today, however, the sun had been out for nearly an hour, and people weren’t sure how to react.

It was weird to see her golden red hair shine in the light, or the faint sparkle that played at the corner of her green eyes. The all black outfit that she wore daily appeared so odd in such weather, attracting the warmth to her. Finally she couldn’t take it anymore, and she got up to move to a table in the back corner of the shop. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a man and noticed that he, unlike everyone else around her, was not wearing black. His pants were a sort of off white and his shirt was an odd shade of red. She could see that he had a large smile on his face, though why she couldn’t say. Didn’t this man know the law? If he did, he was surely stupid. He could be put in jail indefinitely for wearing such colors. Creperum held extremely strict rulings, and Jade could only hope that this man wouldn’t get caught.

She found a table in the back, untouched by the light, and sat down. When she looked back up again, no more than a minute later, the man had vanished. The bell on the door had never sounded, and she could see no indication of him anywhere. She began to ponder how strange this was when she realized that the sun had once again vanished. With relief, she sighed, leaning back in her chair and once again began sipping on her drink, all curiosity forgotten.

She was unsure of how long she had spent in the cafe before heading home, as time didn’t really exist in Creperum. There were clocks if you really felt the need to see the hour, but as the darkness never really left, one could sleep whenever they chose to. Time never passed at the same rate, anyhow, so clocks were rarely of any help.

Jade walked slowly, wanting to take as much time as she could to get to her house. Most would find her insisted use of the word “house” as opposed to “home” strange, but she would simply tell them that a home meant having a whole family, not just a fraction of one. Some would look at her funny, but others would give her a knowing look, all too aware of what she meant.

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Works of Fiction: First Taste!

Okay friends and family, this is where it all gets real! You know how I’m a writer? You know how I’m always talking about how I love writing, and how I’m always writing, and how I’m going to be a famous writer one day? You know how you’ve never once seen a piece of  fiction by me? Yeah, true story. Some of you have seen non-fiction, and by some, I mean two of you and my mom. A few of you have also seen my poetry, although that is all very dark and I have yet to really embrace happy poetry as a talent. So, moral of the story: Katie is a chicken that has never shown her fiction to anyone (not counting her mother). Well, and teachers, but does that really count? Nope, didn’t think so. Okay, my rambling has reached an all time high right now, because you see, I’m about to press “control” + “v” which you know is the cool way of pasting stuff. That stuff is the short prologue to a story that I am hoping to start working on alongside ANOTHER work of fiction I started last month.

Maybe you guys don’t want to see it. You don’t? Okay, I will just wait then… OKAY OKAY, I hear you all yelling at me right now to just do it already. *Deep breath* WhatDidIGetMyselfInto…Heregoes


She stood there, on the edge, unsure of what to do. Before her was a blinding light, more beautiful than anything she’d ever seen, but behind her the darkness beckoned like an old friend that she couldn’t leave behind. It whispered lies to her, telling her that the promises in the light would never last, that she would come crawling back more broken than before and beyond restoration.

As she looked back and forth, ahead and behind, her heart rate grew. She felt as though she was being pulled in two directions just like a rope in a vicious game of tug-of-war. She was afraid that if she stood there much longer, she just might rip in two. She wanted freedom more than anything, but how could she leave behind the life that she had known for over two decades?

She couldn’t help the feeling that each side was alive in and of itself. She heard, or rather felt, the little whispers from each side. Both sides seemed to offer her freedom and joy. She knew that one had to be lying, but which one could she trust?

As she looked into the light, one of her dear friends waved at her, calling her over. If only it were that simple, if only that could be her deciding factor right there. Behind her, though, she saw her other friends and most of her family. A group had gathered, she realized. They were all here, wanting to know what choice she would make. What if this decision, her decision, became the deciding factor for all of these people? There was so much pressure on her by now that she could no longer think. All she could do now was feel and do what she hoped was the right thing. As she looked back and forth one last time, she made her final choice, letting everything else fall away in that short moment.

Aaaand that’s a wrap, or whatever the equivalent is for books. Wouldn’t it be really awful if I just left you hanging there and never finished the story? Oh  man, it’s a good thing I would never do anything like that…

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